Thursday, March 27, 2008

What Weighs You Down

Yes, my husband had been unemployed now for several months due to layoffs. Yes, my children have been affected more than we have realized. How has it affected myself? For the most part, I didn't think it has. However, I'm starting to see little signs of behaviour that shows stress seeping out! One of these behaviours is a real sense of failure. Feeling of failure at home because both children are having some difficulty at school (which must be my fault for not spending more time w/ them), feeling of failure at work because of a new position and the steep learning curve (which must be my problem because I have a lot of management experience after all), feeling of failure at school because I'm constantly behind...just lots feelings of failure. Even though intellectually I know this is not from God, my heart is still feeling down. A recent article helped me see this really is from Satan not God! "What weighs you down, bends you over, keeps you small? Is it the weight of other people's expectations? Or the burden of trying to make other people happy? Is it the heavy load of living by keeping religious rules, which all seem to imply that "good girls don't make waves"? What is it in your life that has kept you from standing up straight, looking people in the eyes, and believing in your own value? What has stolen your joy?...There have been times that I have lived bent over and small in certain areas of my life. I didn't realize it—I was just trying to avoid conflict, to make certain people happy. In a way, I took the path of least resistance, not wanting to stand up for myself because I was afraid. But doing so hindered me from standing up and praising God with my life and my actions. It prevented me from looking people in the eye and feeling the confidence that comes from knowing I am God's beloved daughter."
What is it that is weighing me down? I am God's beloved daughter! He has created me with unique abilities and gifts! I can not and should not attempt to be anything other than who God has created ME to be! This is something that I need to constantly realize! Even if there is extra stress at home, it's o.k. to acknowledge these feelings and not bring these feelings on myself as feelings of failure!