Conflicts in Marriage and Life

Just love the new word for today: magnanimity! The trait of having a great spirit- generous in spirit, easily forgives. Opposite of meanness- Latin communis-common. So either I have magnanimity or meanness in my marriage- great spirit or common, petty spirit. Which is more difficult? Clearly meanness is such a part of our daily language- how very sad!

Proverbs 15:16-18: "Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and turmoil with it. Better is a dish of vegetables where love is than a fattened ox served with hatred. Hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute." NASB
This is certainly my prayer today! Give me magnanimity not meanness!!

Beloved

"We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children, and friends loved or wounded us. That's the truth of our lives. That's the truth spoken by the voice that says, "You are my Beloved." Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my center words that say: "I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on you head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse. Nothing will ever separate us. "You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests." It certainly is not easy to hear that voice in a world filled with voices that shout: 'You are no good, you are ugly; you are worthless; you are despicable, you are nobody- unless you can demonstrate the opposite." Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence." Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved, pgs.31,36,37

Why is this so hard to believe? I just love this book and highly recommend it! The core truth! If only we can remember this truth when life throws us such curve balls constantly.

Sovereign God

I must admit. I wasn't ready for the new year. I'm not happy my husband is without work after being laid off again. I'm not happy the state of our finances. I'm not happy the federal government supposedly has all this "help" available for struggling home owners but it apparently does not apply to us or to anyone we know personally for that matter. So, I'm just not happy that 2011 is here. Ugh.

But at our staff meeting yesterday, our teaching pastor shared about his recent trip to Ethiopia and India. Outside Ethiopia's capital city of Addis Ababa there is a centuries old Orthodox church. When our pastor visited, they could not enter the church as the church was in the midst of a 45 day fast-here we complain if our sermon's go over by 10 minutes because we want to eat lunch! There were men standing around reading their bibles. When asked how long one man had been standing there - our pastor learned he had stood for 36 hours reading his bible without moving!

At the church as a fountain of healing waters. As sceptical Americans, we automatically question that this fountain actually has healing waters. When asked, our pastor was told "of course the waters heal!" What faith. There was no doubt that the children who entered the fountain with aids would come out completely healed!

The most profound was a Jewish Doctor who works in Ethiopia with children who have severe physical abnormalities and has actually adopted 8 children so they can be on his health insurance. When our pastor asked him if he ever questions God amidst seeing all the suffering amongst these children the answer was "Why would I question God? He is Sovereign". But of course!

Oh ye of little faith! We are soo completely spoiled and forget how thankful we really should be!! I absolutely love the Christmas Carol "I heard the Bells on Christmas Day" with words by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. A recent blog posting entitled "The Bells of Hope"convicted me even more!

"God is not dead nor doth He sleep"- He IS Sovereign! Why would we ever question Him??

Strength Statements

In looking at my strengths and then looking at what I truly value- I'm beginning to understand why my executive coach is having me go through this exercise. I have begun to look at activities closer. Why do I like this activity but loath this one? For a period of two week, my coach had me write down activities that I loved and those that I loathed. Then we took a look at these activities and matched them up to my values and strengths. Very interesting how they align! This exercise takes being honest about feelings- something I really don't getting into. But it was very valuable. From this my coach had me write strength statements. I have never ever done this before. What a novel idea! Look at what I love and what I loathe and then know what activities strengthen me so that I am invigorated, fulfilled and am sustained! So far this is what I've got- it's still a work in progress.

I am strong when:

I have an opportunity to interact/socialize with a lot of people in person not on the phone! (Is this Woo or what!!) It does not matter if I know the people personally or if they are strangers.

I have the outside environment around me in order and free of clutter.

I have space and margin in my life and not be crazy busy rushing here and there loosing my head.

I have time to be still. This doesn't have to planned quiet time but just the opportunity to read or just sit and be quiet.

I can laugh several times in a day.

I can use my competence or knowledge to help solve logistical problems.

I have an opportunity to spend unplanned and unstressed time with my kids. For example if they want to suddenly play a game or sing Christmas carols, I can and not feel guilty about chores waiting to be done.

I am weak when:

I don't have the time to think through a interpersonal conflict situation before responding.

I feel forced to do something that is is an area where I'm not competent and feel inadequate.

I am around people who to not want to grow and learn (unmotivated).

It will be interesting to see if these statements stay true for the next year and if they help me in my personal and professional life put myself in more areas of strength!

Vulnerability Response

My coach and I talked through my response to being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is unveiling, showing emotions and processing with others. Not only should it be a value to myself but it is definitely a value to those around me. If I am not vulnerable several things happen in that relationship: those around me don't think I am being authentic with them, you know me but I don't or can't know you.

Do I need to be vulnerable? Maybe I don't feel it is necessary but those around me may NEED it. Maybe they need to know my hurts, weaknesses so that I can be a helpful resource for others. Can my vulnerability provide a resource for others? If so, then I should be willing to share more! It would then not be about myself at all but about others.

Why is it problematic for me to be vulnerable? Is it dangerous? Because my emotions may get out of control? Is that o.k.? Why not show a full range of expressions/emotions? Am I not willing to look at what this may bring to me as well as others? I may hurt people. Maybe those around will will see flesh in me or see me as not perfect and as a sinner. Maybe I won't win people over with my woo if they see who I really am? Does vulnerability mean a dark place? Scary? Unknown? Do I really need to share everything? Why rock the boat? Is this a learned behaviour?

The cost of not being vulnerable may outweigh the "maybe's" If I have no place to be vulnerable then all of the "stuff" bottled up inside will ooze out or possible explode. Isn't total honesty freeing? Isn't it o.k. to show my true self? We are sinners! Do people see me as stoic if I can never be vulnerable? I will pay a cost if I can not or will not be who I really I am. It is a strength to be a tangible human.

Look at Jonathan and David's friendship. They were totally vulnerable to each other! David's life depended upon his vulnerability with Jonathan. What did they say about each other and to each other? What did they gain from being completely vulnerable? This would be a great study to do!

6.21.10

Coaching- Reflection Exercise

Loved the first coaching session. Now I'm gung ho. Let's go! What can we change? What new opportunity awaits me?

Aww. But first a my coach asks me to do a reflection exercise- listen to my inner voice- what is it really telling me? Find a quiet place. Don't fall asleep. Thankfully, I have an office with a door that I can close. Listen to the voice in my gut- the Holy Spirit. Meditate on specific questions and then journal. O.k. I can do this. I like to journal. Quiet spot- got that. No excuses.

What is really important to me?
The cliche answer would be God and family in that order. But is that necessarily how I really think and feel? Not sure. Being home last week was very difficult w/ the kids all week. At times I wanted to strangle them and they can be real brats. However, the older they get and I get, I see bits of my husband and myself in them. Usually these bits are behaviours that I don't like. But I really need to focus on the parts that are great. Both kids are very smart! Both are very musical. Love that! So thankful they don't have difficulty learning. This is just two right off the top. Soooo love that they love God and express this easily and w/o being prompted.
My kids are very important to me in the fact that I want them to be happy in life, be successful in whatever they want to do, and live a life that follows the value's that are right according to God's plan.
I think I've gotten to a place in my life where I am over the same and guilt I put upon myself if I live my walk w/ God how I think I should be- or the way I think others think I should. My walk w/ God is very personal. It is going to be very different than anyone else's walk with God.
I am so very thankful for my work. I really love what I do. There is really not many days I don't want to come into work. Sooo thankful for that! I can remember the stress of my life when I worked in banking. Yuck!

Is this the life I want to live?
Yes, for the most part I am living the life I want to live. Of course there are some things I would love to change. For example, I need to be healthier physically. With both parents and an older sister already having heart surgeries, I need to think ahead to this! I don't want to afraid to be old. Right now, I really don't want to be 60-70-80 years old. I want to be healthy and happy with my life so when I get there, it's o.k.
I would love to be financially stable. I hate my husband getting laid off. This is hard. I want to work because I want to work not because I have to. That is frustrating. I don't want to be 60 and have no retirement savings or still be in the place we currently are financially.

How do I really want to live my life?
Happily. I want to be content w/ where I am and what I have. No, I will never have a big house. But that's o.k. because that would just be more cleaning I would have to do! :) I want to be kind. I want to be a good mom- one who is there for my kids and can connect with them but also discipline when necessary. I want to be a wife who is supportive of my husband and doesn't always question him.
I would love to be in a place professionally where I feel really stable. With the cuts recently it was a bit scary. I want to be a right hand to my supervisor. I want to be able to help parents and volunteers along on their journey's. I love my job. I want to do it well so that all those around me know me as a person who can be relied upon to do a great job with whatever the task at hand is.

What gives passions, meaning, and purpose to my life?
Learning! Laughter! Doing a job well. Orderliness. Friendships that I know are real.

How can I make even more of a difference?
That is a great question! Over the past couple of years I have really retreated. Once home I don't really want to entertain or talk on the phone, or do anything outside of family activities. I just feel worn out a lot of the time. DO I have to sit and listen to a needy neighbor for hours in order to make a difference? I don't like spinning my wheels for nothing and when people refuse to change it frustrates me even more.

How can I live connected to these inner values?
Not sure. I don't want take on "new projects". I'm worn out dong what I do already. Maybe if I look at coaching from the viewpoint of getting help then that is of the most value to me- I can then maybe live connected to my inner values? What are these values? What is really important to me?

Specific skill I would like to improve-
Communication skills. Interpersonal relationships to peers and subordinates. Productivity. Organization of time and priorities. Use my skills and strengths better. I can easily have relationships but how can I make those around me not feel used by my wooing? How can I use my love of learning and input to improve my skill set in my ministry?

4.12.10

Coaching? First session.

In March of this year, I had the opportunity to begin seeing an executive coach. To begin coaching I needed to fill-out a pre-coaching questionnaire.
-What's motivating me to get an executive coach? Encouragement from my immediate supervisor was my answer. (Obviously I was not to sure at this point if I really wanted or needed coaching?)
-What challenges do I see may interfere with the coaching? The only challenge I see is myself as learning about what I need to change/adjust is never easy. (At least I was willing to admit that I don't think change is always easy!)
-What do I want from coaching? A fresh perspective of my leadership and how I can be a better leader! (Really? Is that what I really want? That seems pretty broad. A better leader? A better person? Do I really want to change or am I happy with the status qua?)
-What would others notice to be different about me if I got what I wanted from coaching? More production? Hard to say but there is things such as events that I would love to do but haven't done yet. (All outward performance! Beyond outward results would those around me notice anything different from an inward perspective? Or do I just want outward performance?)
-How does becoming a better leader impact or change my workplace? A new zeal is always encouraging for those around me. (Wow! That is a cop-out. A new zeal what does that mean exactly?)
-What specific areas do I want to work on in coaching? (O.k. this was after my coach helped me really get specific- she has a great way of helping me to communicate succinctly!)
*Developing other people like Jesus did.
*Recruit, care, train volunteers. Strategic ministry plan for volunteer development. Have I forgotten why it's so important to have trained, inspired volunteers? Is there a good system in place for caring for volunteers? Encouraging them verbally? Training? Encouraged in their faith?
*Supervise employees better.
*Safety. Essential training! Get the message across to parents and volunteers that safety is important not only because the outward essentials of kids not getting hurt- but an unsafe environment can actually hamper a child or an entire family's spiritual health. Safety is rooted in the knowledge that I want kids to keep growing in Christ! It is important to have a safe environment in order for this to happen!
-What are important qualities to have in my coach? Directness and wisdom. (Yes, sometimes directness isn't pleasant but don't I want a coach that actually will tell me like it really is and not a deluded picture of myself? Absolutely!)

After completing the pre-coaching questionnaire, my coach gave me what I can expect from her and what she expects from me. What I really liked in this discussion was the explanation of what a coach really is- not a counselor! A counselor will look back- back into previous life experiences and events from the past. Coaching is not therapy. A coach is not your "best friend". A coach is someone who helps you look ahead to the future- plan future goals and opportunities. A coach will work with me somewhat like an apprentice- what works well, what doesn't work- now let's look ahead and work to fix whatever needs to change. The agenda must come from me. That is a new experience for me! I get to choose what to "work" on. It's up to me if coaching is effective or a waste of both my coach's and my time.

Reading "Getting More from Executive Coaching" by Lauren Keller Johnson given to me by my coach was a great help in putting this entire coaching experience into perspective. Johnson states that "a skilled executive coach can be invaluable in helping you surmount the obstacles that corporate life throws before you and make the most of the opportunities that cross your path". I was feeling a bit uncertain about coaching but this article let me know that my organization offered coaching to me because it sees me "worthy of substantial investment".

Johnson stated three things that must happen in order for coaching to be effective. I really resonated with two of these: identify my coaching goals and adopt a learning mindset. Thankfully my coach had me do the pre-coaching questionnaire which really began addressing my coaching goals. I love to learn so adopting a learning mindset isn't difficult. But am I looking to improve specific skills? Or is there a particular situation I need help navigating through? Or am I looking to position myself for a different job opportunity? In my case, I really just want to improve my specific skill set. If I am to be a substantial value to my ministry/workplace then I must be willing to learn and change! As Johnson puts it: "Expect to be challenged to find solutions, not be to given them. Look to your coach to give you fresh perspectives and help you assess the best options for important decisions. One of the most valuable services a coach can provide is a wholesale reframing of a situation you thought you'd examined from every possible angle".

O.K. I'm ready! Let's begin this journey of executive coaching! Thank you for this great opportunity to better myself in order to better my ministry to those around me!

3.10.10

Living the Simple Life

This was the quote of the day today on one of the blogs I subscribe too: "It's not what you do that matters it is what you don't do at the end of the day that really matters". This is just another way that the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me lately. My executive coach gave me this link and it is a very powerful video! Watch it!
It is sooo important to take time for those in our lives that are really important to us!! Do I want to focus my attention on my children or my iphone? Will it really matter tomorrow if I don't see what is happening on facebook or read an email? Not at all! I am so guilty of having my phone right by me in the car so I can check emails/texts when at a red light! So dumb! SLOW DOWN! That is the message I've been getting lately!! Let my soul have rest!!! How many times and ways do I need to get this message before I listen? I don't know! I'm trying! The real problem is that I have been going so fast for so long that I no longer know how to really slow down. Sure, maybe I will sit down and read for 15 minutes. That is not truly rest! That is not really refreshing my soul! It's a journey! I've heard the message, Lord! Now I just need to learn how to do it!

Values

In my coaching, we have been talking through values. What values are truly important to me- what does this value mean to me? Why is it important? It has been a very interesting process. I truly had never really sat down and thought through what a value was or how values are truly what dictates what you do in your earthly life! Here is what I've come up with so far.

1. Knowledge- The ability to constantly learn new bits of information. To not stagnate in the amount of information/teachings that you have learned but to constantly strive from more. Better yourself intellectually continually.
2. Family- Blood relatives or close friends that you know will be there no matter what. If there is a crisis they will be there to hold you up. If there is a celebration, they will be there to celebrate with you. Family is unconditional love and stick-to-it-ness (devotion).
3. Laughter- Happiness, fun, play. Not guarded, mean spirited, fake or a mask to cover pain. True unadulterated joy. Good for the soul and needed in order to truly thrive in life.
4. Safety- Security, protection, safeguard. The feeling that you are indeed safe and secure. Important for true joy in living day-to-day life. Fear can disable and stunt any intellectual or spiritual growth.
5. Dependability- Your word is your honor. If you say it will be done, all efforts in your ability are made to do whatever has been promised as quickly as possible and without delay. Being responsible! When you delay, that brings the message through that you really don't care, lack of respect for the person promised, don't want to do what is promised or simply that you are just lazy.

I'm sure this list will be updated as I have the time to think more on these values.

Vulnerability

Coaching is great. SO this week we are looking at my vulnerbility.

Why is being vulnerable with others important? Is it truly important? What makes vulnerability important?
Webster defines vulnerability as "open to attack or damage". That does not make the idea of vulnerability very appealing. Vulnerability with others can be seen as a weakness or as a strength depending on your personality. According to the definition it really is a weakness. However, may sometimes having weakness may really be a strength?

If we look at our relationship with Christ, we know that vulnerability is really a strength. However, we also know that our Lord Jesus will never send us away or reject us with what we tell him. Jesus promised his disciples that the Holy Spirit would come and comfort them after he was gone. "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another counselor to be with you forever-" John 14:26 NIV. Because we have the Holy Spirit, is it really necessary to be vulnerable with other people?

Our Lord Jesus always responds to our cries! We only have to read a few of the Psalms to see how God always responds to distress! When we cry out, God responds! "Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress" Psalm 107:6 NIV. This is only one small passage that is repeated over and over in scripture. Hannah Whitall Smith states it this way: "Let us never grieve God again by doubting that He hears us, however faint and feeble our cry may be" (God's Love for You, 1999). God has such a great concern for us. Even those that are the very closest to us here on this earth, like our spouses, can not always respond to our cries. So do we need to be vulnerable and share our sorrows?

Our Lord Jesus loves us in spite of any sin that we may have committed. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8 NIV. No matter what we may do, God still loves us. Other people may love us when we are "good" but do they truly love us when we are not?

6.21.10

Lenthy Sabbatical

So sorry I have been away for so long. I need to create space in my day purposefully to blog. It needs to be more important to me! My Input and Context strengths crave the thought process that goes into a journal. Three out of my five strengths are thinking strengths. The sad part is that I do not carve out a time each day or even each week to really do some deeper thinking. I get so busy with my daily life. However, I know that if I did carve out some space and time for deeper thinking, I would be a person that is more at peace and not so easily riled up or off balance. So my commitment to myself is to blog at least once a week. It needs to be an appointment on my calendar just like spending time with my heavenly Father!

Upside?

Paul (my husband) got a job! Yeah! Then what is my problem? Why am I still feeling so down and discouraged? I feel constantly overwhelmed, tired, discouraged. But in the midst of this God has sent little encouragements my way. Thank you Jesus! I did very poorly on a mid-term exam. I knew I did poorly but was going to have to suck it up and accept the consequences. When we got the exams back last Thursday night, I was dreading seeing my grade. Well, I did do very poorly, however, my professor wrote a little note at the top giving me a chance to rewrite my exam! Are you kidding me? This never happens. What was really wierd is the professor knew who I was and I have never introduced myself (there are 30 students in the class). I really just feel that he has been an instrument in God's plan for my life. As I wrote in my last post, God does not author the feelings of failure in us. I love King David's psalm of praise in 1 Chronicles 16. "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.
Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced, O descendants of Israel his servant, O sons of Jacob, his chosen ones."

In the midst of this really hard patch in my life, a simple gesture of a professor letting me take an exam over is huge! I must continue to look to my LORD and his strength to get me through this time. I must also remember to sing praises for the wonderful works God is doing in my life! I must remember the wonders He has done which includes Paul finding a job! Thank you Jesus!

What Weighs You Down

Yes, my husband had been unemployed now for several months due to layoffs. Yes, my children have been affected more than we have realized. How has it affected myself? For the most part, I didn't think it has. However, I'm starting to see little signs of behaviour that shows stress seeping out! One of these behaviours is a real sense of failure. Feeling of failure at home because both children are having some difficulty at school (which must be my fault for not spending more time w/ them), feeling of failure at work because of a new position and the steep learning curve (which must be my problem because I have a lot of management experience after all), feeling of failure at school because I'm constantly behind...just lots feelings of failure. Even though intellectually I know this is not from God, my heart is still feeling down. A recent article helped me see this really is from Satan not God! "What weighs you down, bends you over, keeps you small? Is it the weight of other people's expectations? Or the burden of trying to make other people happy? Is it the heavy load of living by keeping religious rules, which all seem to imply that "good girls don't make waves"? What is it in your life that has kept you from standing up straight, looking people in the eyes, and believing in your own value? What has stolen your joy?...There have been times that I have lived bent over and small in certain areas of my life. I didn't realize it—I was just trying to avoid conflict, to make certain people happy. In a way, I took the path of least resistance, not wanting to stand up for myself because I was afraid. But doing so hindered me from standing up and praising God with my life and my actions. It prevented me from looking people in the eye and feeling the confidence that comes from knowing I am God's beloved daughter."
What is it that is weighing me down? I am God's beloved daughter! He has created me with unique abilities and gifts! I can not and should not attempt to be anything other than who God has created ME to be! This is something that I need to constantly realize! Even if there is extra stress at home, it's o.k. to acknowledge these feelings and not bring these feelings on myself as feelings of failure!

Too Much Knowledge?

How much do we really need to know in current events? As ministers for Christ, do we need to keep abreast of all the current tragedies as they unfold in our country and world? In light of the terrible events at Virginia Tech on April 16th, I am wondering how much is too much knowledge? I have had to take the news off my Google homepage because the travesties that occur to children give me sleepless nights. I start worrying incessantly about my own children and their safety and well being. So how much is too much?
In John 17 when Jesus prays for his disciples, he prays not they would be taken from the world but that they would be sanctified by the truth of God's word. To sanctify is to set apart. If we are set aside by the truth of God's word, why would we fill ourselves with news of destruction and despair?
In Philippians 4, the Apostle Paul exhorts us to think on those things which are true, honest, right, pure, lovely and admirable. If we think of these things, then the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds. Does this mean that we should not watch the news then? Most news reports are not pure, lovely and admirable for sure. They may have truth and honesty. But do these reports of tragedy give us peace? I think not!
So then, I am caught in a quandary. Do I keep up on events so that I can be informed and thus help those I minster to try to understand tragic events? Or do I choose to think on only those things that are pure, lovely and admirable and shut out the news?
I would like to shut out the news. Much sadness, sleepless nights, and worry has been on my mind because of news reports. But if we are not up to date, how can we effectively minister?

Being Assertive

I recently attended a training seminar on assertive communication. I thought great, maybe I'll learn how to better stand up for myself or learn how to fight for my children when needed. The speaker did ask us what we thought being assertive meant. The replies varied from being strong, direct, having guts, character, compassionate, clear, bold, confident to being confrontational. How is being assertive played out in our lives? We must: identify the issues, confront the problem, speak the truth in love, be strong and courageous, focus on God's ways, have confidence, smile, take risks, realize that sometimes you may need to compromise. What is holding us back from how assertiveness can be played out in our lives? The speaker identified three things that hold us back: "if only...", "yes, but...", and "what if..."
Then she proposed a radical idea based on the scripture in John 6 where Jesus feeds 5000 men (and who knows how many women and children). What if the little boy looked at his lunch and looked at the 5000 men and said "if only...I had more". Or what if he said, "yes, but...this was my lunch, I don't want to share". Or he said, "what if...I give you only part of my lunch". Then the miracle Jesus performed would have been thwarted! Based on John 6 what will release us and stop holding us back?
1. what you have is enough...if you let it go. Who we are right now is exactly how assertive we need to be right now in our sphere.
2. What you have is ordained (appointed)...if you consecrate (set apart for a high purpose) it. Jesus already had in mind what he was going to do when he asked Philip where bread could be purchased (v. 5). My strengths and my weaknesses are exactly what God has ordained for me. God "already has in mind" what he is going to do with our strengths and weaknesses. We need to give thanks for it (thank you for making me) and then give ourselves to Jesus.
3. What you have is needed...if you share it. We must bring what we have to the table. We should not try and move ourselves out of who God has made us to be.

This seminar was a breath of fresh air. I always am feeling inadequate because I am not more assertive and stand up for my self more. This is not to say that we let people walk all over us or abuse us! The speaker just wanted to bring home the point that the three things that hold us back from being assertive in our lives "if only...", "yes, but...", and "what if..." no longer need to hold us back! We can be released to be exactly who God has made us to be! That means that it is o.k. for me not to be overly assertive. What I have at any given moment is enough if I am willing to let it go. If statements imply there is a movement on our part! If you let it go, if you consecrate it, if you share it... These statements all require something from us. However, these statements also release us and help me to no longer be held back.
Five loaves and two fishes. That is all Jesus needed to perform a miracle!

Gratitude

Gratitude by Henry Van Dyke

"Do you give thanks for this? -- or that?"

No, God be thanked

I am not grateful

In that cold, calculating way, with blessing ranked

As one, two, three, and four, -- that would be hateful.

I only know that every day brings good above

My poor deserving;

I only feel that, in the road of Life, true Love

Is leading me along and never swerving.

Whatever gifts and mercies in my lot may fall,

I would not measure

As worth a certain price in praise, or great or small;

But take and use them all with simple pleasure.

For when we gladly eat our daily bread, we bless

The Hand that feeds us;

And when we tread the road of Life in cheerfulness,

Our very heart-beats praise the Love that leads us.

Thank you Father for life! Thank you all the blessings you bestow on us everyday that we are not thankful for! May we live our life in cheerfulness as an example to show others how much we praise you!

Life

I have been thinking about life a lot. Why is it that we don't really appreciate it until a crisis hits us? In the book entitled Tuesdays w/ Morrie, Mitch Albom has the opportunity to visit w/ Morrie for a period of time after Morrie has been diagnosed w/ ALS. It is a sad book because you already know the ending before even beginning the book. However, Mitch and Morrie spend that last part of Morrie's life speaking on important topics like: regrets, death, fear of aging, culture, how love goes on, marriage, feeling sorry for yourself and the world. Some of these topics are ones that we really don't like to address and thus never speak of them! However, some of these topics are important. We are all going to die, someday, maybe some day soon. We don't know. Shouldn't we be celebrating the life that we have been blessed with every minute of every day? We generally speak of death, when evangelizing, or speaking of eternal life. And this we must do as we are all called to be evangelists (see 1 Tim. 2: 3-5). But don't we owe it to God, our marvelous creator, to celebrate our life here on this earth that he created for us (see Psalm 104 and Psalm 139)?

Why do we get to the end of life and have regrets? That is a very sad thing indeed. "You don't want to squander your wonderful life, to waste your precious life among the hardhearted. Why should you allow strangers to take advantage of you? Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you?You don't want to end your life full of regrets, nothing but sin and bones,Saying, "Oh, why didn't I do what they told me? Why did I reject a disciplined life? Why didn't I listen to my mentors, or take my teachers seriously? My life is ruined! I haven't one blessed thing to show for my life!"" (Prov. 5: 7-14 The Message). But if we spend our days celebrating our life and what God has given us here on earth, we should not have any regrets at the end of life! We can't be caught up with past sins. God isn't! If we have confessed our sins, they are gone- "Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered" (Psalm 32: 5,1 NIV). If we get stuck on old sins and thus have regrets, we are mocking our Saviour- the One who is an atonement, a reconciliation between God and man, for our sins (See Rom. 3:21-26).

Mitch and Morrie also talk about "the perfect day"- if you had only one day left to spend however you wanted, what would it be like? For me, a vast Thanksgiving dinner with my husband, children, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews present would constitute a perfect day. There would be a bounty of food, laughter, talk, games, and singing. That would be a perfect day! I'm thankful that I have experienced several almost perfect days- not quite perfect because everyone has not been present together because of the pride of believing they are better than another. Ah pride...that is quite another subject. Pride does us no good. It hampers us from celebrating our life here on earth. So, in a perfect day, there would be no pride- just fellowship one with another. I'm not sure if I will experience this "perfect day" here on earth. But one can certainly hope!

So, let us celebrate life! Let us have no regrets! Let us speak of those uncomfortable subjects- for we never know when we may be gone- and our loved ones will be left w/ the sadness of no longer being able to converse on life, culture, death, aging, marriage, ...