Coaching- Reflection Exercise

Loved the first coaching session. Now I'm gung ho. Let's go! What can we change? What new opportunity awaits me?

Aww. But first a my coach asks me to do a reflection exercise- listen to my inner voice- what is it really telling me? Find a quiet place. Don't fall asleep. Thankfully, I have an office with a door that I can close. Listen to the voice in my gut- the Holy Spirit. Meditate on specific questions and then journal. O.k. I can do this. I like to journal. Quiet spot- got that. No excuses.

What is really important to me?
The cliche answer would be God and family in that order. But is that necessarily how I really think and feel? Not sure. Being home last week was very difficult w/ the kids all week. At times I wanted to strangle them and they can be real brats. However, the older they get and I get, I see bits of my husband and myself in them. Usually these bits are behaviours that I don't like. But I really need to focus on the parts that are great. Both kids are very smart! Both are very musical. Love that! So thankful they don't have difficulty learning. This is just two right off the top. Soooo love that they love God and express this easily and w/o being prompted.
My kids are very important to me in the fact that I want them to be happy in life, be successful in whatever they want to do, and live a life that follows the value's that are right according to God's plan.
I think I've gotten to a place in my life where I am over the same and guilt I put upon myself if I live my walk w/ God how I think I should be- or the way I think others think I should. My walk w/ God is very personal. It is going to be very different than anyone else's walk with God.
I am so very thankful for my work. I really love what I do. There is really not many days I don't want to come into work. Sooo thankful for that! I can remember the stress of my life when I worked in banking. Yuck!

Is this the life I want to live?
Yes, for the most part I am living the life I want to live. Of course there are some things I would love to change. For example, I need to be healthier physically. With both parents and an older sister already having heart surgeries, I need to think ahead to this! I don't want to afraid to be old. Right now, I really don't want to be 60-70-80 years old. I want to be healthy and happy with my life so when I get there, it's o.k.
I would love to be financially stable. I hate my husband getting laid off. This is hard. I want to work because I want to work not because I have to. That is frustrating. I don't want to be 60 and have no retirement savings or still be in the place we currently are financially.

How do I really want to live my life?
Happily. I want to be content w/ where I am and what I have. No, I will never have a big house. But that's o.k. because that would just be more cleaning I would have to do! :) I want to be kind. I want to be a good mom- one who is there for my kids and can connect with them but also discipline when necessary. I want to be a wife who is supportive of my husband and doesn't always question him.
I would love to be in a place professionally where I feel really stable. With the cuts recently it was a bit scary. I want to be a right hand to my supervisor. I want to be able to help parents and volunteers along on their journey's. I love my job. I want to do it well so that all those around me know me as a person who can be relied upon to do a great job with whatever the task at hand is.

What gives passions, meaning, and purpose to my life?
Learning! Laughter! Doing a job well. Orderliness. Friendships that I know are real.

How can I make even more of a difference?
That is a great question! Over the past couple of years I have really retreated. Once home I don't really want to entertain or talk on the phone, or do anything outside of family activities. I just feel worn out a lot of the time. DO I have to sit and listen to a needy neighbor for hours in order to make a difference? I don't like spinning my wheels for nothing and when people refuse to change it frustrates me even more.

How can I live connected to these inner values?
Not sure. I don't want take on "new projects". I'm worn out dong what I do already. Maybe if I look at coaching from the viewpoint of getting help then that is of the most value to me- I can then maybe live connected to my inner values? What are these values? What is really important to me?

Specific skill I would like to improve-
Communication skills. Interpersonal relationships to peers and subordinates. Productivity. Organization of time and priorities. Use my skills and strengths better. I can easily have relationships but how can I make those around me not feel used by my wooing? How can I use my love of learning and input to improve my skill set in my ministry?

4.12.10

Holy Spirit Within

We are reading a book as part of our Family Ministry Team entitled "Spiritual Parenting" by Michelle Anthony. It's a great book and I would highly recommend it. An easy read but with some compelling take-aways.

Michelle states in the first chapter that "spiritual parenting is not perfect parenting-it's parenting from a spiritual perspective with eternity in mind". That didn't really hit home until later in the chapter she began talking about our children's behaviour. As parents we want our children to behave, correct? Yes, of course! But by raising them in a Christian home, exposing them to Christian environments don't they just choose to behave correctly? Can't we just correct them and mange their behavior? Michelle states that is not the case! This would be called "sin management" (p. 24). I really resonated with this statement: "the danger in merely focusing on our children's outward behavior without the inner transformation is that sometimes our children will align their behavior to our mandates to please us or receive approval" (p. 19).

Instead of trying to control our children's behavior by exposing them to Christian homes, environments and behavior modification, we need to rely on the Holy Spirit. He "is the one who makes their action congruent with their belief" (p. 24). We need to focus on the heart and not so much just their behavior! Without transformation from within by the Holy Spirit "we may have moral or obedient children, but we don't necessarily have spiritual children" (p. 19).

I wanted to see if this could really apply to my young children. So, one evening I had some alone time with my ten-year-old son and I asked him. "Hey Jacob, I want you to tell me honestly, why do you try to always get your good grades and why are you always such a good boy?" I really didn't know what his answer would be! However, I was so excited when he replied, "Mom, there is voice instead me telling me to do the right thing and always try my best". Wow! Clearly even without my teaching him, Jacob is aware of the Holy Spirit's voice instead of him!! What a huge blessing to me as a parent! So many times I feel like I'm such a failure as a parent!! Thank you Jesus for looking after my children even when I fail!!

Share in the Suffering?

Awww babies! Specifically my babies (not really babies because they are six and seven). Our family has certainly been going through some hard times. Daddy was laid off from a job in November. This came as a total shock and surprise to us. My husband has gone through a grieving period and self pity at times. I have gone through bouts of anger and sadness. BUT through these periods of emotions, both of us have felt increasingly blessed! Tremendously blessed! God has used people that we don't even know and those who don't have much themselves to bless us with material provisions. But our babies. How have they fared through this time? Do they feel the same emotions that Paul and I feel? I didn't think my children were being effected...however, I was so wrong. Last week, our son was sick. For the first couple of days he was out of school, he truly was sick w/ a bad cold. But the days kept dragging on. By Thursday, we told him that he must go to school, but after the second trip to the school office, they called us to come pick him up. So, my husband and I spent a lot of time w/ our son on Friday. Really trying to get to the root of what was bothering him....was it something at school, was it someone picking on him at recess, was someone hurting him...All we could really get was that at recess "they" were mean to him. After talking w/ his teacher, we really didn't feel this might be what was bothering him. So we came to the conclusion that daddy losing his job was worrying him but he didn't really know how to express this....so it was being expressed in a "stomach ache", big crocodile tears when we told him he had to go to school, and expressions of missing his daddy. So, at dinner last night, we sat down at dinner and had a talk as a family. We really tried to explain what was happening and that even is the very worst case scenario we would never, ever be without a place to live or food to eat. We also talked about all kinds of people that God was using to bless us in this time- people we sometimes don't even know, people who really don't have any to give but are anyway and also how God has placed us where we are for this instance so that we have access to a food bank and tons of support. It became evident in our conversation that our son was truly worried about our situation. We talked through how we had savings to use and our son offered up his savings. How precious!
We thought this had given him some peace but this morning the "stomach ache" and the crocodile tears started up again. So...I think this is going to be a process. I feel really bad that my husband and I didn't think earlier how this may be effecting our babies! How our comments although made innocently enough like "we can't afford that right now" or "once daddy gets a job" were causing stress and anxiety in our little 7-yr. old. Sometimes we can be so dense as parents. I can only pray that now we have discovered how this is effecting our son, we can in the future be more up front when our family is facing difficult situations!

Give me a Break!

Oh parenting. The joys and the trials. Sometimes I just need a break. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who understands this and thus I have taken up the hobby of scrapbooking and am also furthering my level of education. However, the much needed break from my family also many times brings with it a sense of guilt. Guilt that I'm not home. Guilt that I should not feel I need a break. Guilt that I should be doing more for my children and husband. Yikes! Is this guilt justified? I do love my family dearly. I do miss them and after only a few hours away I want to be with them again. But, why do I feel guilty about needing time for myself? I believe this sense of guilt has many working mothers overgiving "stuff" to their children. Because, we can't be with our children during the day, somehow if we buy our children "stuff" it will help appease the guilt and let our children know how much we love them.
"Stuff" just doesn't do it! The end result if this path is followed is over-indulged, spoiled children. I must say that maybe some of the guilt I feel is justified. However, I would also say that much of this guilt is not from God. As mothers, especially working mothers, we are pulled in a million different directions every day. We must be productive at work and once home each evening start our second position as wife and mother. It's exhausting. And no matter what the women's liberation movement might have accomplished, the equity of the work load in the home is not a 50/50 division. Thankfully I do have a husband that helps around the home. But, even with the most helpful of husbands, women still take on the majority of the household chores.
And thus, I need a break! Should I feel guilty? Maybe if I was out every night of the week and never spent any time with my husband and children. However, if the break is a once-in-a-while sanity break, then guilt needs to take a back seat!

Children

Why does parenting have to be so hard? Sure, there are many moments of ease when your children are being model citizens and require little if any attention. But, many moments of parenting are very hard. Of course my children are still very young (five and seven), so I'm sure that there are many more difficult moments ahead. Tonight was no exception. My young daughter did not want to do what mom asked of her. After repeating myself many, many times, I was so angry inside I wanted to burst. However, I kept my cool and just calmly kept repeating myself until she did the required task at which point the punishment of instant bedtime was applied. This of course started a deluge of tears which even after being completely frustrated the moment before made me want to go back on my resolve. Not only were there tears but then there was "I'm sorry mommy" and a tiara was placed on my head. I calmly re-enforced the punishment although inside I wanted to give in immediately.
My thoughts go to my Heavenly Father. How hard being a parent to me must be! I have many times not done as He has asked repeatedly through His word and through the Holy Spirit speaking to me. Does He get angry with us? I believe so. But He calmly meads out the punishment with much love.
If we look to examples in the Bible, there are examples over and over of God's love for His children. Look at David! He wanted what he didn't have and murdered to get it. Yet God calls David "a man after mine own heart". Look at Paul! He murdered saints of God (ironically he is now called a saint by many). Yet God has used him mightily over thousands of years through his writings.
I know I am not the first parent to struggle with disobedient children. For thousands of years I would dare to say, parents have had the same struggle - across cultures and languages raising children is much the same because of our human nature.
How I wish to become more like my Heavenly Father- He is so patient. There is consequences for our actions (look further at the previous examples). However, our Heavenly Father loves us so much He sent His Son down from the heavenly realms of glory. How can my love for my children begin to mirror this great love? Paul tells us in 1 Timothy that he the worst of sinners was shown grace so that "Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life".
So this must be our goals as parents: try and imitate as well as we can in our weak human state God's unlimited patience so that our children and those around us would receive eternal life!