Worrying

Are these saying familiar? "Why worry when you can pray"? OR, "Worrying means you are not trusting"? We have heard these over and over if you have been in the Christian realm for any length of time. But do we really believe it? It's really only when push comes to shove that we know if these are just "Christianise" or if they are truly believed in our hearts.
A verse in Luke 12 is quoted a lot of times: "...how much more valuable you are than birds!" But the parable before this section on worrying really needs to be looked at in conjunction with what Jesus is telling his disciples about our value. In Luke 12: 13-21, Jesus tells the parable of the rich fool who is blessed with a lot of "stuff". The rich man decides that in order to store all of his stuff he will tear down his barns and build bigger and better barns. And then, the rich man says to himself "You have plenty of good thing laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry" Luke 12:19. But God calls this man a fool! Why? Because this rich man was so worried about himself. He was so worried about his stuff! He was so caught up in things that he had forgotten about God. He had forgotten about building up for himself "treasure in heaven" and instead was focused on obtaining stuff on this earth.
Do we worry more because we have so much stuff? When our church staff members visit the slums in India, they come back every time commenting on how happy these people are. These people of NO stuff as compared to what we have here in America. Even the poorest of person here has more than those living in the Indian slums.
Is that why Jesus immediately turns to his disciples and says "why do you worry"? Jesus knows how much we love our stuff. BUT he says, "the pagan world runs after all such things.." don't worry about running after the stuff! Your Father in heaven knows that you need food, drink, and clothing so don't worry about accumulating such stuff!
So...when I'm lying awake in bed at night worrying...My Father in heaven is saying to me "O you of little faith" trust me! Worrying is not going to add a single hour to you life. Worrying only causes stress, tension, broken relationships, harsh words, and health problems! It is in these moments of sleeplessness I have to say "Yes, Father. I know you will provide. Let me thank you for all the many blessings that you have provided me!"And I pour out my thanksgiving to God and then the peace descends upon me like a gentle rain from heaven! Thank you Father! Thank you for reminding me that stuff is nothing to be worrying about!

Busy Summer Ahead!

Yikes! Yes, I know I'm a terrible blogger! Life is busy! My summer is already on the fast track to craziness! We just got back from a week in Walla Walla. Had a wonderful family picnic with 82 out of 106 family members present! Amazing but true! The really amazing part was that all nine of us siblings were present! That was great! First time we have had a sibling picture since I was eight years old (yes, that truly is a long time!). Now, it's on to the final preparations for VBS! But first, my wonderful friend of 16 years had a double mastectomy on Monday. Her surgery went longer than expected taking over 7 1/2 hours. BUT, the surgeon was very positive that she removed ALL the cancer! Thank you Jesus! AND my beloved mother goes in this week for a heart valve replacement surgery. My, oh, my. Life sure is a roller coaster ride. Thank, you Lord for my health! So, thankful that I am healthy and strong and can help out as needed!

Upside?

Paul (my husband) got a job! Yeah! Then what is my problem? Why am I still feeling so down and discouraged? I feel constantly overwhelmed, tired, discouraged. But in the midst of this God has sent little encouragements my way. Thank you Jesus! I did very poorly on a mid-term exam. I knew I did poorly but was going to have to suck it up and accept the consequences. When we got the exams back last Thursday night, I was dreading seeing my grade. Well, I did do very poorly, however, my professor wrote a little note at the top giving me a chance to rewrite my exam! Are you kidding me? This never happens. What was really wierd is the professor knew who I was and I have never introduced myself (there are 30 students in the class). I really just feel that he has been an instrument in God's plan for my life. As I wrote in my last post, God does not author the feelings of failure in us. I love King David's psalm of praise in 1 Chronicles 16. "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.
Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced, O descendants of Israel his servant, O sons of Jacob, his chosen ones."

In the midst of this really hard patch in my life, a simple gesture of a professor letting me take an exam over is huge! I must continue to look to my LORD and his strength to get me through this time. I must also remember to sing praises for the wonderful works God is doing in my life! I must remember the wonders He has done which includes Paul finding a job! Thank you Jesus!

What Weighs You Down

Yes, my husband had been unemployed now for several months due to layoffs. Yes, my children have been affected more than we have realized. How has it affected myself? For the most part, I didn't think it has. However, I'm starting to see little signs of behaviour that shows stress seeping out! One of these behaviours is a real sense of failure. Feeling of failure at home because both children are having some difficulty at school (which must be my fault for not spending more time w/ them), feeling of failure at work because of a new position and the steep learning curve (which must be my problem because I have a lot of management experience after all), feeling of failure at school because I'm constantly behind...just lots feelings of failure. Even though intellectually I know this is not from God, my heart is still feeling down. A recent article helped me see this really is from Satan not God! "What weighs you down, bends you over, keeps you small? Is it the weight of other people's expectations? Or the burden of trying to make other people happy? Is it the heavy load of living by keeping religious rules, which all seem to imply that "good girls don't make waves"? What is it in your life that has kept you from standing up straight, looking people in the eyes, and believing in your own value? What has stolen your joy?...There have been times that I have lived bent over and small in certain areas of my life. I didn't realize it—I was just trying to avoid conflict, to make certain people happy. In a way, I took the path of least resistance, not wanting to stand up for myself because I was afraid. But doing so hindered me from standing up and praising God with my life and my actions. It prevented me from looking people in the eye and feeling the confidence that comes from knowing I am God's beloved daughter."
What is it that is weighing me down? I am God's beloved daughter! He has created me with unique abilities and gifts! I can not and should not attempt to be anything other than who God has created ME to be! This is something that I need to constantly realize! Even if there is extra stress at home, it's o.k. to acknowledge these feelings and not bring these feelings on myself as feelings of failure!

Share in the Suffering?

Awww babies! Specifically my babies (not really babies because they are six and seven). Our family has certainly been going through some hard times. Daddy was laid off from a job in November. This came as a total shock and surprise to us. My husband has gone through a grieving period and self pity at times. I have gone through bouts of anger and sadness. BUT through these periods of emotions, both of us have felt increasingly blessed! Tremendously blessed! God has used people that we don't even know and those who don't have much themselves to bless us with material provisions. But our babies. How have they fared through this time? Do they feel the same emotions that Paul and I feel? I didn't think my children were being effected...however, I was so wrong. Last week, our son was sick. For the first couple of days he was out of school, he truly was sick w/ a bad cold. But the days kept dragging on. By Thursday, we told him that he must go to school, but after the second trip to the school office, they called us to come pick him up. So, my husband and I spent a lot of time w/ our son on Friday. Really trying to get to the root of what was bothering him....was it something at school, was it someone picking on him at recess, was someone hurting him...All we could really get was that at recess "they" were mean to him. After talking w/ his teacher, we really didn't feel this might be what was bothering him. So we came to the conclusion that daddy losing his job was worrying him but he didn't really know how to express this....so it was being expressed in a "stomach ache", big crocodile tears when we told him he had to go to school, and expressions of missing his daddy. So, at dinner last night, we sat down at dinner and had a talk as a family. We really tried to explain what was happening and that even is the very worst case scenario we would never, ever be without a place to live or food to eat. We also talked about all kinds of people that God was using to bless us in this time- people we sometimes don't even know, people who really don't have any to give but are anyway and also how God has placed us where we are for this instance so that we have access to a food bank and tons of support. It became evident in our conversation that our son was truly worried about our situation. We talked through how we had savings to use and our son offered up his savings. How precious!
We thought this had given him some peace but this morning the "stomach ache" and the crocodile tears started up again. So...I think this is going to be a process. I feel really bad that my husband and I didn't think earlier how this may be effecting our babies! How our comments although made innocently enough like "we can't afford that right now" or "once daddy gets a job" were causing stress and anxiety in our little 7-yr. old. Sometimes we can be so dense as parents. I can only pray that now we have discovered how this is effecting our son, we can in the future be more up front when our family is facing difficult situations!

Finally!

Yes, I have been absent from blogging for some time. I have no excuse except that life is crazy busy! School, new job, parenting, crazy! I'm back now with great things to say! :)